ok. i know many people are waiting for me to post the wedding pics. one of them is Fidah. but nay.. i wont post the pics yet. its yet to be fully viewed by the rightful people, i.e the newlyweds and family. so i guess wedding pics will be posted next week, earliest, after i develop and let them see.

and today, i wont post abt the wedding. it will be in another post, another time. cuz there are pics dat i wanted to post but not yet ready.

today i wanna post wat happen to 2 very emosional people during 24 hours ago.

well, it all started at 1 am, yesterday nite/morning.

ok la. i wont hide la. its abt me and Love. this is another confession of our LOVE life.

we had a fight again, after quite sometimes. i assume it to be the usual fights and my usual tears. but sometime usual can turn into unusual. and unusual things are always unpredictable and happen at a time u least wanted it to happen.

well, as i said it happen yesterday. Love said he wanted to sen his frens back home. one of them is to Wlds. so by the time he called saying he is going back was abt 12.30mn. so i estimated him to reach home abt 1 or 1.30am. 2am max. but to my surprise he didnt. i called his hp, it was offed cuz batt flat. next called his house only to get answer at near 2 am wen his aunt said he was not back yet.

imagine this sleepy girl waiting for her Love to be home to sleep together but he wasnt and could not be contacted. imagine the feeling. i was F***ing worried. esp aft knowing dat he was not home yet at almost 2am. i msged him to call back not no reply. i waited. my heart felt so uneasy. it felt like crying out loud. i lied down, going against my heart which wanted to wait for Love, desprately. i jus look at his photo on my hp and praying dat he will be OK. dat Allah will guard him. and without knowing it, tears start to flow. i cried myself silently to sleep.

i was den awoken by a call at 4 am. i thank god dat the call made was from Love's home. i didnt thought of any misfortunes. only thing i tot was Love is safely back home. and yes he was. i was happy to hear his voice finally but as soon as he said he was out with his frens, drinking tea, i burst out furiously. i was shouting like a mad woman in the middle of the nite scolding and crying. he jus dun understand my worried heart. he apologised but i ignored. he was tired. it was 4.30 wen he hang up cuz i kept ignoring his 'bye sayang'. with bruised/teary eyes, i left the room to was my face. and wen i reach back in, there were 4 missed calls. and wen i called back, he scold me furiously saying i wanna show him attitude and wanna find fault. i hang up on him, crying. he did not call back. my heart was broken into pieces. wen i called him to apologised, he simply turn me away.

once again i cried myself to sleep.

he called at 7am saying sorry and he was going to work. my sleepy self jus let him go w/out any fights.

the day went well after dat. he was busy and i was bored. he den picked me up to haf dinner and sen me home but we hangout for a while. he wanted to rest cuz he was tired. so he slept on my lap. and upon setting my eyes on his calm sleeping face, my eye start tearing again. for no reason. he kept asking why and i kept saying nothing cuz i really dunno the reason y my eye teared suddenly.

we had a short fight cuz he thinks im hiding something from him. but the truth was, i wasnt hiding anything. we den cooled down. he was wiping my tears after i told him maybe its cuz of wat happen last nite. he den promised he wont do it again.

and i asked him a question which spark it all. 'wat happen if u do it again?' and guess his answer!

he thinks im like him, who will leave me if i ever lie to him. so dats his answer. my punishment for him if he do it again is to leave him once and for all. and i got all pissed off. and there i was pressing him more. scolding him for telling me dat. for asking me to leave cuz he wanted so much. i was practically crying at the other side of the door. i haf a choice of jus going out and left or stay and wait.

he didnt wanna look at me at all. and i finally had to make the gesture to pull him. and he avoided me. asking me to get lost of his sight. i was tearing non-stop. he voice out his heart aft my pressuring and without realising, my Love was tearing. it was the first time i saw my Love cried. it was the second time he cried. first being a long time ago during the early courtship days. upon seeing him cry, my heart felt deep deep down and pull to hug him. i cant bear to see him cry. i hate to make him cry. i felt like ive hurt him TOO much wen he cried.

i was wailing by den. cant stand it anymore. at one point or another, one will always break down. he did and so did i. we hugged and was sorry. its ok if i cry bucket of tears. but never once can or will i let him cry cuz no matter how much he hurt me, i dont care. but i never wanna hurt him cuz hurting him once is hurting myself two, three times.

i love my Love too much to let him go. even wen i haf the chance. i jus cant bring myself to walk away no matter how mad or pissed or hurt i was with him. i cannot live without him. i can never leave him at any situaion. i love him too deep and too much. i need him in my life. he is the light of hope im my life. my saviour. my partner. my heart and soul. he haf my heart. he is my soul. without him, im as same as dead.

darn im tearing again as i type. wat a blardy cry baby i am. we're ok now. thank God. my eye hurt now. from all the excessive crying. its the first time i cry in 24 hrs straight. usually its always a 12 hr range. haizz.

i love him so much. i love my Mohd Ismadi so much. to my last breath, i will love him.

Labels: ramblings

1:50 AM